Anonymous asked: Hi there! I have a question and the best way to present it in this scenario. Most of my friends and acquaintances land somewhere on the gender spectrum and I identify as cis. Let's say I am at a party and everyone is mingling and chatting whatever. Another cis person and I are chatting and they say something like "That friend of yours, does she go to your school?". Now the person whom we are speaking about is not near us and they use different pronouns. Do I correct the person?

Yes, because it is their preferred pronouns. Always use preferred pronouns.

payingcharon asked: Hi, I just wanted to point out that "transvestite" is also used by men who wear "women's" clothing, but still identify as men.

It is.┬áBut it’s also used as a slur against trans women.

However, your point is valid. A transvestite is a man who dresses as a woman.

Anonymous asked: To follow on the recent anon question about breasts and bras, do you recommend any brands of push-up bras for pre-HRT (or in general)?

Pre-HRT? I’d have to go with Joe’s Boxers. They make bra’s you can get relatively cheaply with very solid cups. Just be a little selective about your clothing choice and you’ll be able to blend a lot earlier in your transition then you would otherwise.

Anonymous asked: This is a really quick question but is the correct terminology to describe someone "transgender" or "transgendered"? Ta :)

Transgender person. Transgender is an adjective, in the same way it hits the ear wrong to say “a male,” “a female,” “a black,” or “a gay,” being called “a transgender” hits the ear the same way. If it’s too long, trans person works just as well.

faedragons asked: Hi im a trans girl and I saw your response to an ask in which you say you dont recommend using breast forms. Why shouldnt one use them because I do and Im a bit worried now. Anyway Hope you are well. x

Not that there is anything wrong with them if you have a less active lifestyle (say, work in an office.) But when I tried them I was a political organizer and field manager on an ACLU campaign, volunteering at night for a Rescue Squad, and I hated it. The glue I could find didn’t stick and the only one that did, with that much activity, made me stink like a NY sewer’s drain pipe on New Years Day.

If you can get them to work for you, girl, rock it. But I personally hated using them.

Anonymous asked: hi there I noticed in one of your recent posts you used the word "lame". I'd like to offer that the word "lame" has an ableist history and I wonder if you could refrain from using it in the future. Thanks friend.


Thank you for calling me out. That was ableist, I didn’t see it, my apologies. I am my own editor and I miss a lot, plus my language habits are probably problematic in a lot of ways, not just this one, so I’ll make sure to make an effort to take that out of my day to day speech.

And again, thank you for sending this in.

xfashionbugx asked: How do you feel about otherkin? I've been noticing that their association with the trans community is growing and I'm not sure if my feels about that are justified.

Otherkin are to transgender folk as priests are to scientists. It’s fine when both exist, but problems arise when you conflate the two or act like being otherkin is similar to being transgender is it says both are similar, both are comparable, both have the same weight. And otherkin is a religious belief, that you are another species (that you have the soul or spirit of another animal, and hey, if you believe you have that spirit in you and you aren’t hurting others with it, then go with the goddess) whereas there is a fair amount of science that trans people exist because of physiological reasons, not social or personal beliefs. There is a reason our suicide rates go down after transition and otherkin statistics haven’t been measured because 0.000000000000% is hard to measure. No one has committed suicide over the oppression and pain of being discriminated against for being otherkin.

They should be weighed and viewed very differently, because I’ve never seen a single statistic about otherkin being murdered and we’re ten times as likely to die such a violent death. I’ve never heard of otherkin being kicked out of their homes for being otherkin and you’re twenty times as likely to be young and homeless if you’re young and trans. We face so much discrimination, 60% of trans women will attempt suicide at some point in their lives.

I have no problem with otherkin sharing their beliefs and practicing their religion. They have a right two and I can see, if not share, the idea of where such a religious belief could come from. But you reduce the suffering of trans people everywhere, destroy the public viewpoint (don’t get me started on how shaky this is already) on the clinical need for trans healthcare, access to a lot of other support structures, whether or not we’ll even be accepted as men and women - it’s problematic to make the comparison.

Anonymous asked: I have heard both the terms "transvestite" and "transgender" used in speech. Are the two interchangeable or are they different, and if they are then how so

Transgender is ok. Transvestite is very much not. It’s a common term used by chasers and those who think of us as “freaks,” not as women (or men, in the case of trans men.) Transgender is completely ok, though.

Anonymous asked: For transmen I know that they deal with their chests by binding them, but what exactly do transwomen do? Like, is their something specific you use in order to create the appearance of breasts or?

Thanks for the question.

First of all, we can grow our own. Hormones are awesome. Second thing we can do is wear push up bra’s aimed at b cup girls. Some of them can just push what you have, and mid hormones they are useful. But they also make b-cup to c-cup bras that are padded so they have shape.

There are breast forms and water packets but I usually recommend against both.

And remember - lots of Cis girls have small boobs! Sometimes it’s just sports bra’s and slimming clothing.

Anonymous asked: My girlfriend (fiancé) recently hinted that she may be starting to view herself as genderqueer. We both currently identify as lesbians and for me coming to terms with my identity was a real big deal as a grew up in a vey conservative household and I repressed my sexuality for a long time. If she does change her gender identity can I no longer identify as a lesbian?I won't leave her over it but changing my identity would be really hard.

There’s a term I love to use, “homoflexible lesbian.” If asked, you can explain that you’re into women mostly, there are a few gender queer people that tickle your fancy.

Sexuality is really complicated. And because our identities are constantly shifting, you shouldn’t feel shame for loving someone who is gender queer and identifying as a lesbian. Labels are things we use to shape our identity.

Also, the better person to ask is your partner. They might be fine with lesbian. Just say “this thing right here doesn’t make me less of a lesbian because it’s about who you are vs. who I am normally and commonly attracted to and one attraction does not a dataset make” or something with less … lame-ness. Lesbians, because of our ostracism from many places, formed a culture. There is power, as well as just healthy relationships, that comes from being a part of any social group and there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian who happens to be with someone who is gender queer, it’s one plot on your attraction graph, the massive trend is towards women. If your partner is ok with it, say “I don’t identify as bisexual because this is the only gender queer person I’ve been attracted to” when people ask the inevitable stupid questions.

I’m a Jewish Pagan. Being a pagan doesn’t negate growing up Jewish and growing up Jewish doesn’t invalidate my paganism. Judaism is as much a cultural identity as it is a religion. I go to humanist temples and practice my own brand of spirituality privately. Their newfound understanding of their identity, and your choice to stay, doesn’t mean you have to lose your cultural identity or your sexual identity.

Talk to them. See what they feel about it. Be calm, understanding, but assertive.